The Science of Bismarck's Sleep

"Alright, here's what you do. You stay away from grains and sugars at least two hours beforehand. Gluten is a killer. Also, you eat avocados and..."
"Don't forgot the part about LED lights."
"I was going to get to that."
"It seemed like you were just going to keep talking about food."
"I don't just talk about food you know."
"That's not the way it seemed."
Dipshit One rolled his head scornfully. He was exasperated by Dipshit Two. Just then Dipshit Three entered wearing a jaunty smile.
"Fellows," he said jollily, "all these rituals they aren't the most important thing. What is most fundamental is belief. One must be committed to the idea that he will fall asleep."
"Or she," interrupted Dipshit Four.
"Or she," acknowledged Dipshit Three.
He raised his hands didactically. "You see what most people lack is conviction, a determination to fall asleep. If they fail it is of their own volition, in reality it can be attributed to their own lack of resolve."
Dispirit One rolled his eyes. "Conviction has nothing to do with whether you are have gas," he said. "Or should we just determine that from now on we will all stifle all farts."
Dipshit Two quivered fearfully. He shook the words from his mind and out of his mouth. "You never stifle a fart. You know what could happen, you could cause series intestinal damage. I read it somewhere, I don't remember where but I read it, probably a science magazine."
Dispirit Three looked on with skeptical eyes. "I have read all the science magazines," she said, "and they say no such thing. What we call gas is in its truest sense a string of chemical reactions wherein..."
"Ha," snorted Dipshit Four. "You all forget that we are spiritual beings, all these physical principles amount to nothing when superseded by the prerogatives of a strong, steely will. Let me show you something." Dipshit Four proceeded to lay down and force himself to slumber. It took all his determination of spirit not to evidence the others his unremitting consciousness.
Just then Bismarck walked in. He sauntered a little bit, looked around, licked his paws and but, and then put his head down. Immediately he was asleep. The four others chose to think otherwise and continuing arguing amongst themselves until eventually they died.