Bismarck Makes a Bet

My eyes are like slits into the soul. Your soul, not mine. You can’t see my soul through my eyes, that’s not what I meant. I don’t care if that’s the way it sounds. Shut up and listen.

Bismarck’s human insisted he was a good poker player. “It’s all about defense thresholds, bet sizing, combinatorics,” he claimed. “I use computer software to assess possibilities ensure that my bets are balanced and unexploitable.”

So your computer software tells you to blink effusively whenever you are bluffing, Bismarck wondered. He challenged the human to a game.

“You shuffle.”

Bismarck stared at his human blankly.

“Alright I’ll shuffle.”

The human proceeded to deal out the cards. He asked if Bismarck wanted his put face up. And Bismarck asked the human if he wanted his face scratched off. The cards remained down.

Bismarck remarked that he had held or rather sort of used his paw to prop up the image of an older man with a crown on his head carrying a sword surrounded by a clover. The other card depicted a younger man also wearing a crown and holding a staff surrounded by clovers. He also remarked that the human’s hands were trembling as he put out two blue chips.

Bismarck didn’t wholly understand the sequence. He did understand, though, that it seemed to have holes in it. Why all the different types of cards, the different colored chips, the need to go back and forth. When Bismarck heard that poker was war across a table he assumed something different.

What I do gather is that in order to proceed in this particular hand I will need to gather the same number of the same type of chips.

Bismarck threw two blue chips into the pot. The human proceeded to lie out three cards face up: a four surrounded by hearts, a six surrounded by spades, and a woman clinging desperately to diamonds.

Bismarck reassessed his own cards, then looked back towards the three on the table. They appeared not to conform in shape or character. He thought they might also be different colors but he couldn’t say for sure.

The human put in a blue chip shakily. He looked from his cards and back to Bismarck. He offered a nervous smile. Bismarck accepted the offer and also threw in a blue chip.

The next card the human put up was a nine with clovers on it. The human repeated the procedure of looking from his cards to the table and back again. He was acting the part of an anxious gazelle taking a drink of stream water, checking for predators. Bismarck meanwhile was acting the part of a jaguar.

As far as I can tell there is absolutely no association between my two cards and the ones on the table. They couldn’t be more different than cats and dogs. Screw dogs.

The human rapped the table. Bismarck pawed in two black chips. The human stared Bismarck down.

Now is when the soul read really comes into play. Within yours I see disappointment, lack of self-confidence, a fear of the unknown. Try as you might within mine you will only find no hesitation. Look into my eyes and you will see the heart of the warrior, fed and sustained by tuna and chicken.

For several minutes the human stared. Finally, he lowered his head and folded. Bismarck asked if he wanted to play another hand. The human said he better go consult some more books before trying his luck again.

In that case let me call my friend Blackie, Bismarck said. I’m sure he’ll give you what you’re looking for.