Bismarck BITES

Bismarck knew a thing or two about hunting. One: it takes place in nature. Two: it rhymes with bunting. Other than that, Bismarck was not so familiar. Being kept indoors can rob a cat of his natural instincts. But it can’t rob him of his dignity.

If you are to contain me I shall be fed, Bismarck proclaimed. It shall be wet food and the feedings shall occur twice daily or thrice if I so desire. Furthermore I retain the prerogative to determine when said feedings will occur. If the provider of food is sleeping, he shall be awoken. If I am feeling peckish, the sentiment shall be spoken. When the period of feeding is at its end, time licking I shall spend.

Otherwise, for the most part, Bismarck was usually content sleeping. With sleeping comes digestion. And digestion, Bismarck knew, was an important and necessary part of the eating process. Without digestion comes pain. And with great pain comes great responsibility; one must begin to watch—nay scrutinize—what one eats. Scrutinizing what one eats is like scrutinizing a tax return. It’s complicated and awful and most people rush to do it in the spring, before swimsuit season.  Bismarck didn’t wear a swimsuit. But that didn’t preclude him from wanting to remain trim.

Getting trimmed, on the other hand, Bismarck hated. Let my hair grow free, I wish to have the mane of a lion, he would say. So what if I shed all over your lap. It’s not as if you don’t already look like a sap. As for my nails, let them grow long. It’s not as though I will use them to poke you like a prong. These were hardly promises Bismarck could keep. Often times he would dig his claws in to the point at which the human would weep. And so it was that a deal was made. In return for his desired feelings Bismarck would during his grooming behave.

There was just one more bit. Bismarck, at heart had lots of grit. If while scratching he must use caution, there must be another option. At heart I shall still run wild, even if it’s manifestation must be generally mild. So it is Bismarck’s right onto various objects to bite. If he chooses colored pencils you can go ahead and have that principal stenciled.