Bismarck Breaks the Bank Reverts to Scavenging

Bismarck in his efforts to defraud cat owners of their cash thought he was constructing a pyramid scheme. The neighborhood cats tell each other who relay it to cats in the next neighborhood over who manipulate certain dull minded canines into convincing certain boorish horses into disseminating certain ideas to otherwise mindless cows who then refuse to allow themselves to be milked unless Bismarck gets more money with which he can invest in more tuna futures.

Somewhere along the way the chain was broken (it’s hard to say where but it’s a bad idea to trust horses to remain confined in their pastures). The tuna quit biting and the cash flow stopped. Much to Bismarck’s chagrin his pyramid scheme transformed into a house of cards. All he was left with was broken dreams and seven dollars in cash.

Bismarck’s human upon discovering Bismarck’s greedy and duplicitous money making schemes was poleaxed. “How could you lose all me money,” he demanded of Bismarck, “bad kitty.” Bismarck’s dreams of becoming a Wall Street fat cat had destroyed lives and for days it was all Bismarck could do to hold his head down in shame.

He had to eat eventually. And while the human was willing to keep feeding him the weak knock off tuna he dispensed was not worth consuming. Bismarck realized that in order for him to get back up on his feet he would need to be self-reliant. So he rolled over, took to his haunches, and stood. Step one, complete.

Next Bismarck considered what skills he had other than cheating. He could meow loudly and vociferously but that wasn’t so much a skill as an art. Plus, ever since their falling out, Bismarck’s human had become less receptive towards Bismarck’s beckoning meows. Because the human was depressed and unable to get out of bed, Bismarck found his morning calls going unheeded. It became necessary that he reinvent himself.

Bismarck tried his paw at being a more conventional criminal. He would hold the thing out, waiting for a vulnerable human to pass, and then he would stick him. Out of this Bismarck hoped to capture the money of others that he could use to repay his human. Unfortunately all he captured most of the time was the attention of raging pit bulls, certainly the last thing Bismarck needed in this his forth and hardest of his nine lifetimes.

Finally, Bismarck happened upon mice. As opposed to dog totting humans Bismarck thought mice were safe (Bismarck had yet no knowledge of viruses and bacteria). Moreover they were insidious and squeaky and deserving of a macabre fate. And this began Bismarck’s career as Cat the Mouse Hunter.