Bismarck Discovers the Great Outdoors, Whether They're Great or Not Still up for Question

The tune of imprisonment rang in Bismarck’s ears, as did the band Soup Dragons. Together they formed a chorus that sang a dream of “Free to do what I want any old time.”

On the one hand Bismarck was refined. He held his elegant head high and his dignified tail even higher. His coat was as silky smooth and as his whiskers long and luxurious. He was the picture of dignity.

On the other hand, Bismarck he was confined. That picture of dignity that was Bismarck was framed within a house; the elegant head and luxurious whiskers hidden from the world like un-mined diamonds. Were he not fed thrice daily the situation would have been very botherable. Had he not also been neutered, being restricted from venturing out would have turned intolerable.

It was a cold Monday morning that Bismarck was finally let outside. The sky was gray and the ground spotted with snow. His initial steps were tentative and full of caution. His trepidation stemmed from his introduction to something novel in the same way that trepidation might fill a novel reader upon having to fill his STEM course requirements.

Eventually Bismarck discovered a stone path. It didn’t lead towards serenity but got close enough. For along that path was a gopher hole that Bismarck found beguiling.

Bismarck sniffed to and fro, hither and dither. But the gopher was not forthcoming.

This is when Bismarck found a rock that looked like a gopher. He batted it. When the rock refused to respond he wound up and gave it a good whack. The rock sailed a few feet but once again came to rest. Against Bismarck’s wishes it refused to flee. Like an elderly greyhound he was denied the chase. Unlike Greyhound he refused to be cheapened by the experience. He looked for something else he could torment. When he spotted a tree, he planted his tree against a coneflower and jumped.

Working his way up from branch to branch, Bismarck came to notice how high he had risen. Stupid human, he remarked, how do you expect me to get down from here.

The human held out his arms.

Bismarck blinked at him. I don’t think so.

The human went to the house and retreated a sheet that he splayed between his arms like a hammock. Nice try.

The human went back into the house and got some tuna, which he put in a bowl and Bismarck laid on the ground. Acceptable.

Bismarck bound downwards, landing deftly on his feet. He ate the tuna and insisted on more. He spent another hour outside. When he was good and ready he returned inwards with mixed feelings.